Say something about gay babies.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
