I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
