I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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