My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Im part way to drunk.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
