I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The struggles of a small town man whore
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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