Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
