so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
