How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
