oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
