found the other keg... it's in the tree
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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