I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize