the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
