I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
