she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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