I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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