I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
