East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Betty ford says i'm here all night
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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