I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
