can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
