So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize