You're completely useless in the revolution.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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