genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
