i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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