my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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