drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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