I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
