Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
