Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the condom got lost in my hair
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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