Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Randomize