wakey wakey hands off snakey
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
