SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
