I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
