guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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