By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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