We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
