woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
