yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
