So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
