coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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