I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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