do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
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