Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
