we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize