I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
