I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
