Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
