this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
