Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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