awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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