Just fell off a train. Bad.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
