no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
