Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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