I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
