my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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