Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
