he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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