Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
