well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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