How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
