True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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