you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
