Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
