covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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