Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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