Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
