I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
