My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize