It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
