I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
