fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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