White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
