I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
