So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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