sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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