I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
