That's when you crack a 10am beer
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
