I could make wine with my vomit
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
