I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
