My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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