arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you will always have a special place in my vag
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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