She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
