mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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