I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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