How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
